“Love is like soap, one day it will all run out.” This was one of the many thoughts that scared me growing up. After experiencing many disappointments, I was greatly influenced by other people’s fears and worries that quickly caused me to fear and worry about the same things. Trusting others became difficult and peoples’ “good deeds” came across as fake in my eyes. I was frustrated, bitter, and angry. I was out of control and reckless, and I became abusive of others both physically and verbally to ease the stress of my own pain caused by insecurities. I had no boundaries or discipline, I felt free, or so I thought.
As a result of all this, friends, family, and everyone else stayed away from me. Loneliness gripped me, and now I felt unwanted and unlovable.
Around the age of 16, a question kept nagging me, “What am I living for?”
Weeks later, a family invited me into their home, and they shared with me good news from the Bible that if I placed my trust in the fact that Jesus Christ died and paid the penalty for all my sins, I would be completely forgiven and would have eternal life in heaven. This seemed foolish to me; who would do this? Yet, I could not escape the fact that the greatest act of love that I never understood was demonstrated by Jesus on the cross. At that moment, I placed my trust in Him. As days passed, very little had changed in my life. I continued to fail and live in my sin. The soap caused me to think that sooner or later God’s love will soon run out. I felt like a burden to Him, so I cursed God by telling Him I did not want His gift anymore, and I rejected Him before He rejected me.
But that did not stop God from pouring out many acts of kindness, forgiveness and mercy on me. I learned from God’s Word that His love is eternal, and it will never run out. Also, my salvation would never be taken away from me. God had made a promise, and there was nothing I could do to reverse it, not even my failures. This was deeply stamped in my mind. Knowing this gave me great confidence to serve Him and not be afraid to fail.
Eventually, I was invited to a Bible study group where I learned about God’s love and forgiveness on a deeper level. Even more so now, I wanted to show my love and appreciation to God by pursuing His will for my life, which is to evangelize the spiritually lost, build up believers spiritually, and to be Christ-like myself. I no longer doubt God’s love for me. His great example of love and forgiveness has caused me to love and forgive others as well. The fears and insecurities I once had were replaced with God’s love and truth.
I am reminded of what Paul said in Romans 8:38-39, “For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”